Replying to a friend’s blog in which she talked of the loss of her mate due to his death, more than a "reply", I realized I had just written a new entry for my own blog.
Dear (Blank):
Just read your latest post. I lost my husband in a different way -- through divorce -- after 22 years. I even hooked up afterwards with someone else for 8 years and then WE married, for 7, and then WE divorced.
I raised (4) children with my first husband. It was a tumultuous relationship from the beginning. I was young and naive at first; he was 3 years older and had been married once already. Thru the years his humor, more and more with a sarcastic wit when directed at me, finally did us in. Me, because I reacted, not from love but from hurt or anger. He, because he stopped loving who I became trying to cope with his sarcasm and, finally, out and out criticism.
My biggest regret in life is being unable to learn to live out my days with the father of my children. Somehow I was wise enough to tell them, thru the ensuing years, to maintain/keep alive their relationship with him. Even though he was "hard" on us all, my children managed to do so. Faults notwithstanding, he was basically a good man; a good provider and father to the best of his ability.
Sadly, he passed in 2008. I drove back to Michigan with one daughter for the funeral. It is heart-breaking when the father of your children passes, no matter what. We stayed a couple of days. At the home of his widow of 19 years.
Through the years we all came to understand that much of his behavior was due to insecurities formed when HE was a child -- the sins of the father . . .
Regardless of how you lose a mate, it is a painful, sorrowful process, and learning to live again an ongoing process.
I am no longer interested in forming another romantic relationship. Frequently, however, I long for the experience of sitting on my screened-in porch -- of an evening or morning -- or sharing a poignant "old" movie on TV -- or a special memory – with a long-time companion, a husband, for instance. Someone for whom there is frequently no need to talk but just "to be" . . . together.
Regards,
Sarah
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Meditation
Something to ADD TO your existing religious study/prayer/practice. Most, if not all, major religions teach, practice, and understand the value of meditating. One way Christians, I believe, can relate is based on the scripture, "Be Still and Know that I Am God".
Wayne Dyer has written a lovely little Chap Book with accompanying CD explaining/teaching how to practice meditating by "getting in the gap". He uses the first line of the universal Christian prayer, "Our Father, Which Art in Heaven . . .". The idea is to pause between each word –
Our . . . Father . . . Which . . . Art . . . In . . . Heaven . . .
Try to stay "in the gap" between the words longer each time –
Our . . . . . . Father . . . . . . Which . . . . . . Art . . .
With practice, which includes slow, deep breathing, you can stay "in the gap" for longer periods of time. "In the gap" is where you meet God, where you experience peace, where you are renewed in body, mind, and spirit.
I like to sit on my porch in the morning, after drinking my coffee and reading some passages in my Bible. I am still a novice but the way it works for me is when I close my eyes I concentrate on the darkness of the screen behind/in front? of my closed eyes. I see vague muted colors and images which "float" slowly in and around on this screen.
It seems relatively easy to concentrate on this "screen" and that enables me to keep my mind clear. I am aware of the music softly playing in the background (I keep my TV tuned to Easy Listening all day until evening when I watch the News and/or some taped program), and I can hear the birds chirping in the yard but I lose touch with some part of reality.
I know this separation happens to some degree because this morning Rocky was siting on the porch lounge with me when I began and right away he jumped off and went back in the house. When I finished meditating, I’m guessing 10-15 minutes later, I opened my eyes and he was back on the lounge with me. I never heard him come back out or jump up on the seat. Seeing him laying there next to me when I opened my eyes was a lovely surprise.
* * * * *
I watched a program one evening about a town in Iowa (I forget the name) that has two meditation centers – one for men, one for women; the town residents come there twice a day to meditate together. AHA! I found a link about the program on the Internet –http://theuncarvedblog.com/2010/07/06/abc-newsnightline-transcendental-meditation-in-vedic-city-iowa/
"Famed film maker David Lynch spends a lot of time in Vedic City. He started the David Lynch Foundation, which, in the last four years, has provided scholarships for over 100,000 kids to learn to meditate for free in schools across the country.
"It’s not a religion. It’s not against any religion, it’s not mumbo-jumbo. It truly does transform life," Lynch told ABC News. "Kids come to school and they meditate together for 15 minutes in the morning. And before they go home they meditate for 15 minutes. A lot of them come from, you know, bad situations, and so this gives them this thing you know, at the beginning and the end of the day, the rest of the time you just watch the violence stop. Watch relationships improve. Watch happiness in the hallways, in the classroom, watch creativity flow more and more, watch that heavy weight that we are living under gently lift away."
* * * * *
One of the things they all pray for is World Peace. All right, people. Christians. Attention, please."If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
— 2 Chronicles 7:14, New King James Version (NKJV)
* * * * *
All I have to say is, try it, you’ll like it. :)Sarah
Monday, August 13, 2012
A Lovely Day in the Neighborhood . . .
So, after running errands, I worked on my computer, as usual, til around 5 p.m. and then went out in the yard to plant and weed. Since my June surgery, doctor said, "no mowing" but nothing about planting and weeding. Yeay! I LOVE IT.
So then I took a shower and took Rocky for our evening walk. Then came in to eat dinner (8:30 now) and turned TV from Easy Listening. Flipping channels, there was another Doo Wop Special -- almost over.
I have been listening to these specials for years -- the music of my teens. Each time I flip the channels and find it on, I think I will not listen . . . this time. I've heard these songs over and over, afterall, and . . .
but THIS one -- Johnny Maestro singing one of my favorites –"Worst That Could Happen" – I've got to listen to THAT one . . . just for a minute . . .
And then I'm hooked once again. Instant memories of youth and fun and young love and dances and breaking up . . .and making up . . . and making out . . . and skating rinks and Friday night Sock Hops and . . .
Even Rocky sat there at the end of the couch -- looking and listening -- just like he does when I turn on Animal Planet.
So I guess I'm not so crazy, afterall . . . maybe.
So then I took a shower and took Rocky for our evening walk. Then came in to eat dinner (8:30 now) and turned TV from Easy Listening. Flipping channels, there was another Doo Wop Special -- almost over.
I have been listening to these specials for years -- the music of my teens. Each time I flip the channels and find it on, I think I will not listen . . . this time. I've heard these songs over and over, afterall, and . . .
but THIS one -- Johnny Maestro singing one of my favorites –"Worst That Could Happen" – I've got to listen to THAT one . . . just for a minute . . .
And then I'm hooked once again. Instant memories of youth and fun and young love and dances and breaking up . . .and making up . . . and making out . . . and skating rinks and Friday night Sock Hops and . . .
Even Rocky sat there at the end of the couch -- looking and listening -- just like he does when I turn on Animal Planet.
So I guess I'm not so crazy, afterall . . . maybe.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Tribal Mentality . . . Alive and Well
Attending a family gathering yesterday, two people (who I love and will therefore remain unnamed) took delight in ridiculing and criticizing the president for his recent comments. Agitating me, that's the name of the game, of course. I get it. But still. They know I will take the bait.
So here goes . . .
They each are, or have been, small business owners. The comments they attributed to the president were that he claimed it was not THEM who built their businesses; i.e., it was not through THEIR efforts they were successful in their businesses.
My response then was, and still is, any time I listen to President Obama speaking, I mostly agree with everything he says.
I made the point I always make -- Left and Right -- politicians, Talking Heads, Media -- all distort and misrepresent what the other side is saying. Biased Left or Right -- that's the name of the game.
How sad so many "regular" Folks seem to have a hard time acknowledging this. I guess it's because they are biased too. Since they repeat these "taken out of context" statements to ridicule, criticize, and make fun of the person or thing they dislike.
Know anyone like that???????
= = = =
I actually had heard part of the speech being quoted -- something happened and I missed some of it -- a few nights ago. So I went looking for it online a few minutes ago -- and found it, of course. As usual and as I expected, Obama's few statements -- that were being ridiculed and criticized -- were said in a context totally different from what was now being expressed.
Why am I not surprised?
= = = = =
http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/07/13/remarks-president-campaign-event-roanoke-virginia
= = = = =
A Portion of a GREAT Speech --
--- Quote --
"I’ve got a different idea. I do believe we can cut -- we’ve already made a trillion dollars’ worth of cuts. We can make some more cuts in programs that don’t work, and make government work more efficiently. (Applause.) Not every government program works the way it’s supposed to. And frankly, government can’t solve every problem. If somebody doesn’t want to be helped, government can’t always help them. Parents -- we can put more money into schools, but if your kids don’t want to learn it’s hard to teach them. (Applause.)
But you know what, I’m not going to see us gut the investments that grow our economy to give tax breaks to me or Mr. Romney or folks who don’t need them. So I’m going to reduce the deficit in a balanced way. We’ve already made a trillion dollars’ worth of cuts. We can make another trillion or trillion-two, and what we then do is ask for the wealthy to pay a little bit more. (Applause.) And, by the way, we’ve tried that before -- a guy named Bill Clinton did it. We created 23 million new jobs, TURNED A DEFICIT INTO A SURPLUS, and rich people did just fine. We created a lot of millionaires.
There are a lot of wealthy, successful Americans who agree with me -- because they want to give something back. They know they didn’t -- look, if you’ve been successful, you didn’t get there on your own. You didn’t get there on your own. I’m always struck by people who think, well, it must be because I was just so smart. There are a lot of smart people out there. It must be because I worked harder than everybody else. Let me tell you something -- there are a whole bunch of hardworking people out there. (Applause.)
If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you’ve got a business -- you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen. The Internet didn’t get invented on its own. Government research created the Internet so that all the companies could make money off the Internet.
The point is, is that when we succeed, we succeed because of our individual initiative, but also because we do things together. There are some things, just like fighting fires, we don't do on our own. I mean, imagine if everybody had their own fire service. That would be a hard way to organize fighting fires.
So we say to ourselves, ever since the founding of this country, you know what, there are some things we do better together. That’s how we funded the GI Bill. That’s how we created the middle class. That’s how we built the Golden Gate Bridge or the Hoover Dam. That’s how we invented the Internet. That’s how we sent a man to the moon. We rise or fall together as one nation and as one people, and that’s the reason I’m running for President -- because I still believe in that idea. You’re not on your own, we’re in this together. (Applause.)
---End Quote
= = = =
Great Campaign Speech, Mr. President. Encouraging -- Uplifting. Like it's supposed to be. You The Man!
= = = =
Throughout human history "tribal mentaliy" has thrived. The idea that MY tribe is better than YOUR tribe. In American Indian culture/language each tribe used words to describe themselves as "the people" and all the other tribes were just "the other". Which, of course, then made it so easy to kill "the other".
Throughout history tribal mentality produces discord, hatred, and eventually war.
Hurray for tribes . . . NOT!
And that's what Sarah Says on 07/22/2012
So here goes . . .
They each are, or have been, small business owners. The comments they attributed to the president were that he claimed it was not THEM who built their businesses; i.e., it was not through THEIR efforts they were successful in their businesses.
My response then was, and still is, any time I listen to President Obama speaking, I mostly agree with everything he says.
I made the point I always make -- Left and Right -- politicians, Talking Heads, Media -- all distort and misrepresent what the other side is saying. Biased Left or Right -- that's the name of the game.
How sad so many "regular" Folks seem to have a hard time acknowledging this. I guess it's because they are biased too. Since they repeat these "taken out of context" statements to ridicule, criticize, and make fun of the person or thing they dislike.
Know anyone like that???????
= = = =
I actually had heard part of the speech being quoted -- something happened and I missed some of it -- a few nights ago. So I went looking for it online a few minutes ago -- and found it, of course. As usual and as I expected, Obama's few statements -- that were being ridiculed and criticized -- were said in a context totally different from what was now being expressed.
Why am I not surprised?
= = = = =
http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/07/13/remarks-president-campaign-event-roanoke-virginia
= = = = =
A Portion of a GREAT Speech --
--- Quote --
"I’ve got a different idea. I do believe we can cut -- we’ve already made a trillion dollars’ worth of cuts. We can make some more cuts in programs that don’t work, and make government work more efficiently. (Applause.) Not every government program works the way it’s supposed to. And frankly, government can’t solve every problem. If somebody doesn’t want to be helped, government can’t always help them. Parents -- we can put more money into schools, but if your kids don’t want to learn it’s hard to teach them. (Applause.)
But you know what, I’m not going to see us gut the investments that grow our economy to give tax breaks to me or Mr. Romney or folks who don’t need them. So I’m going to reduce the deficit in a balanced way. We’ve already made a trillion dollars’ worth of cuts. We can make another trillion or trillion-two, and what we then do is ask for the wealthy to pay a little bit more. (Applause.) And, by the way, we’ve tried that before -- a guy named Bill Clinton did it. We created 23 million new jobs, TURNED A DEFICIT INTO A SURPLUS, and rich people did just fine. We created a lot of millionaires.
There are a lot of wealthy, successful Americans who agree with me -- because they want to give something back. They know they didn’t -- look, if you’ve been successful, you didn’t get there on your own. You didn’t get there on your own. I’m always struck by people who think, well, it must be because I was just so smart. There are a lot of smart people out there. It must be because I worked harder than everybody else. Let me tell you something -- there are a whole bunch of hardworking people out there. (Applause.)
If you were successful, somebody along the line gave you some help. There was a great teacher somewhere in your life. Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you’ve got a business -- you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen. The Internet didn’t get invented on its own. Government research created the Internet so that all the companies could make money off the Internet.
The point is, is that when we succeed, we succeed because of our individual initiative, but also because we do things together. There are some things, just like fighting fires, we don't do on our own. I mean, imagine if everybody had their own fire service. That would be a hard way to organize fighting fires.
So we say to ourselves, ever since the founding of this country, you know what, there are some things we do better together. That’s how we funded the GI Bill. That’s how we created the middle class. That’s how we built the Golden Gate Bridge or the Hoover Dam. That’s how we invented the Internet. That’s how we sent a man to the moon. We rise or fall together as one nation and as one people, and that’s the reason I’m running for President -- because I still believe in that idea. You’re not on your own, we’re in this together. (Applause.)
---End Quote
= = = =
Great Campaign Speech, Mr. President. Encouraging -- Uplifting. Like it's supposed to be. You The Man!
= = = =
Throughout human history "tribal mentaliy" has thrived. The idea that MY tribe is better than YOUR tribe. In American Indian culture/language each tribe used words to describe themselves as "the people" and all the other tribes were just "the other". Which, of course, then made it so easy to kill "the other".
Throughout history tribal mentality produces discord, hatred, and eventually war.
Hurray for tribes . . . NOT!
And that's what Sarah Says on 07/22/2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
The Use of Words . . . Could Not Agree More
As a writer, I consider words, all words, tools of my trade. "Bad" words do not offend me. A "bad" word, to me, is a word used against another human being or animal to disrespect or degrade them.
I am offended when I hear God or Jesus’ name taken disrespectfully. All other words have a time and a place.
Words taken out of time and place are another matter. Thus, I found the Letter to the Editor (below) expressed my feelings exactly. I suspect I am not alone. It is a reprint from an email I get from Andy Andrews, a favorite speaker/author, of mine.
Letter to the Editor:Blue Ribbon Letter: Plenty of bombs during WWII, but they weren’t F-bombs
Published: Thursday, June 10, 2010, 5:27 AM
I am an 88-year-old veteran of World War II who served proudly with the 1st Marine Division in Okinawa and China.
As I viewed the recent series, "Pacific," on HBO, I was angry and embarrassed at the constant use of the F-word while depicting Marines in battle.
I went into the front line in Okinawa on May 9, 1945, with the 1st Marine Division. The fighting could only be described as pure hell. I never heard the F-word.
We lost 70 of our 160 men in one push. I never heard the F-word. During six days of vicious fighting at Kunishi Ridge, I never heard the F-word.
It may be commonplace for people to use that word nowadays, but it was not commonplace during the 1940s (when most everyone went to church on Sundays). I resent the fact that modern movies shed a disrespectful light on the Marines and those of us who were actually there.
We have been called the "greatest generation" and given Honor Flights to Washington, D.C. We are not the generation who spoke the F-word in every other sentence — even when in battle.
Help me set the record straight for history.
H. PAUL BAILEY
Reprinted from Al.com
http://blog.al.com/press-register-commentary/2010/06/blue_ribbon_letter_plenty_of_bombs_during_wwii_but_they_werent_f-bombs.html
I am offended when I hear God or Jesus’ name taken disrespectfully. All other words have a time and a place.
Words taken out of time and place are another matter. Thus, I found the Letter to the Editor (below) expressed my feelings exactly. I suspect I am not alone. It is a reprint from an email I get from Andy Andrews, a favorite speaker/author, of mine.
Letter to the Editor:Blue Ribbon Letter: Plenty of bombs during WWII, but they weren’t F-bombs
Published: Thursday, June 10, 2010, 5:27 AM
I am an 88-year-old veteran of World War II who served proudly with the 1st Marine Division in Okinawa and China.
As I viewed the recent series, "Pacific," on HBO, I was angry and embarrassed at the constant use of the F-word while depicting Marines in battle.
I went into the front line in Okinawa on May 9, 1945, with the 1st Marine Division. The fighting could only be described as pure hell. I never heard the F-word.
We lost 70 of our 160 men in one push. I never heard the F-word. During six days of vicious fighting at Kunishi Ridge, I never heard the F-word.
It may be commonplace for people to use that word nowadays, but it was not commonplace during the 1940s (when most everyone went to church on Sundays). I resent the fact that modern movies shed a disrespectful light on the Marines and those of us who were actually there.
We have been called the "greatest generation" and given Honor Flights to Washington, D.C. We are not the generation who spoke the F-word in every other sentence — even when in battle.
Help me set the record straight for history.
H. PAUL BAILEY
Reprinted from Al.com
http://blog.al.com/press-register-commentary/2010/06/blue_ribbon_letter_plenty_of_bombs_during_wwii_but_they_werent_f-bombs.html
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Beautiful Music . . . Beautiful Memories
I am over-dosing on this CD; have been playing it in my car for weeks: "Beyond the Sunset," MMVIII Maple Street Music, LLC.
Listening to these songs fills my heart to bursting --
Beyond the Sunset, In The Sweet By and By, Tennessee Waltz, My Happiness, In the Garden, Some Days, Suppertime, With a Song, Way Out in the West, He Touched Me, I Will Praise Him, There is a River
-- with heart-wrenching memories of childhood and young motherhood. And the tears erupt.
A little bit of pain, a little bit of joy . . . all mixed up together in memories of "home"; in a time and place that used to be. And yet . . .
I am so grateful to have a home in which to be . . .a yard in which to dig and plant . . . a peaceful, lovely place to be.
I am home.
Alone . . .
Saturday, May 26, 2012
A Lovely Day at the Pool (Originally Written 6/22/2010)
Eleanor sat on the deck sipping her iced tea keenly observing the antics in the pool; another summer Saturday family pool/cook-out at Toby’s. She would have preferred a pre-dinner glass of red wine but she had been having those funny spells every day for the past five days – not today, thank God – and she wasn’t taking any chances til she figured out what caused them. They had occurred like clockwork 30 minutes after rising and lasted about 30 minutes with residual "tiredness" for the rest of the day. Since it was now early afternoon and she hadn’t felt that way today, maybe whatever it was, was over. Because she didn’t know the cause, she was taking no chances sipping wine.
She had never had any tolerance for hard liquor; two or three youthful attempts to "see what it feels like to get drunk" resulted in violent upheavals from her stomach after two drinks so she learned her limitations early-on. "Feeling like her head was spinning when she closed her eyes" followed by chunking "chunks" was not her idea of fun. Rightly determining that her system did not tolerate alcohol well, she had crossed it off her list of fun/relaxing things to do.
As a young teenager she had developed allergies to grasses and molds, especially dry leaves in the fall. A doctor once explained her strong dislike for the taste of beer – she would shudder with just one sip – was likely a reaction to the hops (aging) in the beer. Wine contained the preservative sulfite; rightly or wrongly, she thought there might be a connection. So til she figured out what was causing these recent morning spells, she crossed her usual one and a half glasses of wine before-during-after dinner off her list.
So here she sat on the awning-covered deck watching her children (four) and THEIR children (eight–three were elsewhere) cavorting in her son’s above-ground pool sitting in the backyard of his house on seven acres in the country, 20 miles from where she and her three other grown children lived.
These family gatherings had been occurring more and more frequently over the past few years, as, one by one, each of her four children had migrated to Tennessee from Michigan where she and they had been raised. Once Toby arrived and purchased this house with the pool, it tended to be the "gathering spot"; at least in summer. For obvious reasons.
This was one of the first times all four kids and their kids had actually shown up. In this day and age, one or another of them frequently had some place to be; a meeting, a lesson, another commitment. So getting four families plus mom together all at the same time was quite an accomplishment.
"Besides," she was thinking, "Cassie and Toby have always had this funny kind of distance between them as adults and, for once, they seem to be having a good conversation." Several times in the last 2-3 years Eleanor had suggested to Cassie that she get together alone with her brother sometime and "talk it all out".
"Talking it out" was germaine to Eleanor’s nature; she could not stand conflict. Especially in the family. Talking, even arguing, if necessary, to resolve the conflict was how she managed her relationships. Sometimes it took awhile for her to assemble her thoughts, but her desire for peace and harmony helped strengthen her resolve. Unlike her ex-husband (father of the four children), who presented a calm, mature demeanor, hiding his feelings til they exploded, or quietly sulking for two weeks and then acting as if nothing had happened. Likely one of the reasons for the final parting after more than 22 years.
But that was then. More than 22 years ago. And this is now. Now also included the sad reality of their father’s passing almost two years ago.
"I think this is actually the first time everyone has managed to get here," she thought, sipping her now luke-warm tea, and looking at the activity in the pool. Toby and Cassie in the pool, leaning against the sides, engaged in some serious conversation; Toby smoking a cigar, Cassie sipping her wine.
She suppressed a smile as she thought about the similarities and differences in her children. Toby’s and Cassie’s personalities changed the most when they consumed alcohol. This was not a judgment; just an observation. Justin and Laura seemed the same, regardless of drinking or not. If anything, just getting calmer and quieter. Cassie, on the other hand, talked louder, laughed harder. Toby just talked longer.
Cassie had often confided her concerns and discomforts about her relationship with her older brother, going back to their childhood and Eleanor had been a sympathetic listener, inevitably saying, "the only way to resolve all this is to talk it out." But Cassie never wanted to open up "that old can of worms" again. "We get along, I love my brother; I just can’t talk to him the way I can talk to Justin. It’s just the way people are. It’s okay."
Justin was 18 months older than Cassie and when they were small they looked so much alike people sometimes asked if they were twins. Justin soon grew bigger and the differences were more apparent. For themselves, the two were close all through their childhood. That had never changed. As adults, they were sounding boards for each other for many adult issues; marriage and religion, especially. They thought alike.
Sitting here today, watching Cassie and Toby communicating so seriously – and well – Eleanor found herself smiling and thinking, "I am delighted they have found common ground. Even if the alcohol prompted it. Of course it would be politics – or the state of the country/world – that is their source of comraderie. I wonder if they realize how much like their dad they are. Determined and sure their opinions are the right ones."
Even as she privately applauds and delights in this infrequent shared companionship, nonetheless she feels this sense of isolation from her outspoken very Right-Wing children. She considers herself a moderate leaning slightly Left, a "liberal"; not always a "Liberal". So her sense of justice bristles whenever she hears someone – even if it’s one of her own children – condemning ‘them,’ the ‘others’ for the ills of society, the world. The words of her dear little mom were embedded forever in Eleanor’s psyche – "there are no ‘others’; be specific. Who exactly do you mean?" "Put yourself in their shoes before you criticize."
In the case of her children the "others" are "The Liberals". They listen to too much Hate Radio. And ANY is too much as far as Eleanor is concerned..
A few round yards away, against another side of the pool, Eleanor’s daughter, Laura, and Toby’s wife, Jennie, and Justin’s wife, Bonnie, are quietly discussing another painful subject – the latest drama from Toby and Jennie’s oldest daughter, Carol, who lives in S.C. with her current boyfriend while Toby and Jennie raise Carol’s son – their grandson – Eleanor’s great-grandson. Laura frequently looks over at Eleanor with a questioning look which Eleanor correctly discerns as concern. Laura finally comes and sits down next to her. "Are you okay?", she asks. "I’m fine," Eleanor replies. Laura senses Eleanor’s isolation. Even though that is partly true, Eleanor is nevertheless delighted as she watches her children and their spouses interacting and sharing mutual ideas and concerns. She is content to be an observer. She could join in either adult group but it would change the tone and dynamics and she doesn’t want that to happen.
She understands and respects that Jennie appreciates the opportunity of talking quietly and confidentially by sharing her concerns with her sisters-in-law, her contemporaries. All three are living the stage of parenting teenage and young adults. As grandma, Eleanor doesn’t need – or want – to know everything. She knows sometimes they don’t tell her things because they know there’s nothing she can do and they don’t want her to worry. Eleanor is not a worrier per se, but even moms who aren’t worriers feel empathy and a certain amount of concern when they know too much about their kids and their kids’ kids. (Women will understand this.)
The isolation she feels as she watches Cassie and Toby interacting is different. She is delighted they have found common ground.
Of course, as the sole "liberal/Liberal" in the family, she is also perceived as the W.O.W. Wacky Old Woman – or, . . . Wise Old Woman – depending on your perspective. With regard to politics and the state of the world, ALL her children consider her the former.
Politics and religion were always a source of contention in her marriage to their father. Subjects that finally, they just did not, could not, discuss. Even though she had been raised in a conservative Republican home, her adult leanings and understandings always came from the left of middle.
Eleanor considers herself reasonably conservative; a moderate, slightly left of Middle, believing in personal responsibility and working hard to achieve your goals, liberal on certain social issues, and even libertarian on others. A combination, which, she suspects, is common to most folks. Her experience has been that labels are often counter-productive and usually serve only to separate and divide. For sure, she’s agin that!.
When she first came out to the pool in her bathing suit and tea and saw Cassie and Toby so enthusiastically talking and agreeing about America’s sad state of affairs and felt that initial sense of separation as she looked out and saw them all in the pool; the kids splashing and laughing, the two adult groups talking and sharing their concerns, still she realized she could just walk over, enter the pool and join either group. No one was excluding her; the isolation was self-imposed.
"I’m the odd man out; I shouldn’t be here," she thought. But seeing her children sharing their thoughts and feelings this way – especially Cassie and Toby – warmed her heart beyond words. She was so grateful for this day and what it was providing. All her kids were together – and they were enjoying being together SO MUCH! OhYea, OhYea!!
She could have jumped in the pool and joined either group. But it would have broken the spell. Instead of two people discussing the problems and agreeing on the results or suggesting solutions, Wacky Old Woman’s contributions would result in disagreement/arguing/harranging. The harranging would NOT be coming from W.O.W. She does not do well in combative discussions She does not LIKE combative discussions. Unlike her News Junkie best friend, she does not (cannot?) keep facts and figures logically logged in her brain for instant regurgitation when the need arises.
Eleanor is not overly political; she wants to be informed but is totally turned off by TV Media Talking Heads and Radio Talk Show Hosts (she calls it Hate Radio).
She doesn’t know if there is such a thing as unbiased News anymore and thinks the Media is helping destroy her beloved America.
She has tried on previous occasions to explain her position to her family; generally without much success.
If she had ten minutes and a bully pulpit with them as listeners, this is what she would tell them.
"I believe the American people are fed up with the same things. But whoever it is that we are listening to are the dividers of the Nation. And the Destroyers.
"I believe in love, not hate. Whatever the differences we have as a nation, the solution does not come from a source that projects hate.
"I agree with the late George Carlin: "if you don’t like the Boobs in Washington, take a look in the mirror at the Boob who helped put them there."
We have been pursing the American Dream too hard and too fast and neglecting our children, our communities. We should have been paying more attention. "Follow the money." What movie was that from?
Blame the government . . . Blame the corporations . . .
Neither, or both. But not one more than the other.
Liberals . . . Conservatives . . . Democrats . . .Republicans . . . Which/who is worse???
Name calling solves nothing. It does cause division. Who said, "A nation divided against itself shall fall." Oh, yeah; Jesus and Abraham Lincoln.
Well, they should know.
I would LOVE to have a respectful adult conversation with my grown children about what is happening in our world today. I do not express it well; I am out-talked and out-insulted.
Thus my attempt to put it in writing.
When Sam, my second husband, and I finally split up and divorced it was because I no longer respected him and so I couldn’t love him. Many factors go into being attracted to someone and lots of things cause the opposite. Initially, I was impressed with Sam’s logical thinking. Eventually I learned this logic only worked in certain situations; with certain subjects. As in:
"There is no such thing as a good Republican". Democrats = Good; Republicans = bad. That is the World According to Sam.
"Liberals are ruining this country; Obama is a Socialist". That is the World According to my children.
How do otherwise intelligent people say/believe such things?
This country/the world is in trouble – big trouble – because government (Left and Right) and Corporations/Lobbyists (Left and Right) are IN BED TOGETHER.
There are good folks on both sides of any issue who have suggestions and ideas for solving problems. Demonizing "the other" has never accomplished anything. Except war.
Disagreeing is not bad. How we disagree and what we do to resolve the disagreement is they key. Anger Management – that’s the current buzz word, is it not?
I’d say America/Americans are not doing too well with that concept.
All I know is this. It isn’t necessary for everybody to agree about everything all the time. It IS necessary that we learn how to resolve or live with the differences.
God put us here to learn how to love. Whatever/whoever God is, He is Ultimate Love, Ultimate Good, Ultimate Mercy. And Ultimate Logic.
Love and Mercy are the key. The Bible says "Love your enemies", for God’s Sake. LOVE your ENEMIES???? We can’t even love our neighbors, our fellow countrymen, our leaders. Somehow, some way, we have to find out "how" to do this.
"Love your neighbor as yourself."
WHAT???
MY next door neighbor is a Muslim, and a Black man who sits on the porch drinking beer every day lives across the street, and that woman at the end of the block – she has different men coming to her house every night . . . and . . .
She had never had any tolerance for hard liquor; two or three youthful attempts to "see what it feels like to get drunk" resulted in violent upheavals from her stomach after two drinks so she learned her limitations early-on. "Feeling like her head was spinning when she closed her eyes" followed by chunking "chunks" was not her idea of fun. Rightly determining that her system did not tolerate alcohol well, she had crossed it off her list of fun/relaxing things to do.
As a young teenager she had developed allergies to grasses and molds, especially dry leaves in the fall. A doctor once explained her strong dislike for the taste of beer – she would shudder with just one sip – was likely a reaction to the hops (aging) in the beer. Wine contained the preservative sulfite; rightly or wrongly, she thought there might be a connection. So til she figured out what was causing these recent morning spells, she crossed her usual one and a half glasses of wine before-during-after dinner off her list.
So here she sat on the awning-covered deck watching her children (four) and THEIR children (eight–three were elsewhere) cavorting in her son’s above-ground pool sitting in the backyard of his house on seven acres in the country, 20 miles from where she and her three other grown children lived.
These family gatherings had been occurring more and more frequently over the past few years, as, one by one, each of her four children had migrated to Tennessee from Michigan where she and they had been raised. Once Toby arrived and purchased this house with the pool, it tended to be the "gathering spot"; at least in summer. For obvious reasons.
This was one of the first times all four kids and their kids had actually shown up. In this day and age, one or another of them frequently had some place to be; a meeting, a lesson, another commitment. So getting four families plus mom together all at the same time was quite an accomplishment.
"Besides," she was thinking, "Cassie and Toby have always had this funny kind of distance between them as adults and, for once, they seem to be having a good conversation." Several times in the last 2-3 years Eleanor had suggested to Cassie that she get together alone with her brother sometime and "talk it all out".
"Talking it out" was germaine to Eleanor’s nature; she could not stand conflict. Especially in the family. Talking, even arguing, if necessary, to resolve the conflict was how she managed her relationships. Sometimes it took awhile for her to assemble her thoughts, but her desire for peace and harmony helped strengthen her resolve. Unlike her ex-husband (father of the four children), who presented a calm, mature demeanor, hiding his feelings til they exploded, or quietly sulking for two weeks and then acting as if nothing had happened. Likely one of the reasons for the final parting after more than 22 years.
But that was then. More than 22 years ago. And this is now. Now also included the sad reality of their father’s passing almost two years ago.
"I think this is actually the first time everyone has managed to get here," she thought, sipping her now luke-warm tea, and looking at the activity in the pool. Toby and Cassie in the pool, leaning against the sides, engaged in some serious conversation; Toby smoking a cigar, Cassie sipping her wine.
She suppressed a smile as she thought about the similarities and differences in her children. Toby’s and Cassie’s personalities changed the most when they consumed alcohol. This was not a judgment; just an observation. Justin and Laura seemed the same, regardless of drinking or not. If anything, just getting calmer and quieter. Cassie, on the other hand, talked louder, laughed harder. Toby just talked longer.
Cassie had often confided her concerns and discomforts about her relationship with her older brother, going back to their childhood and Eleanor had been a sympathetic listener, inevitably saying, "the only way to resolve all this is to talk it out." But Cassie never wanted to open up "that old can of worms" again. "We get along, I love my brother; I just can’t talk to him the way I can talk to Justin. It’s just the way people are. It’s okay."
Justin was 18 months older than Cassie and when they were small they looked so much alike people sometimes asked if they were twins. Justin soon grew bigger and the differences were more apparent. For themselves, the two were close all through their childhood. That had never changed. As adults, they were sounding boards for each other for many adult issues; marriage and religion, especially. They thought alike.
Sitting here today, watching Cassie and Toby communicating so seriously – and well – Eleanor found herself smiling and thinking, "I am delighted they have found common ground. Even if the alcohol prompted it. Of course it would be politics – or the state of the country/world – that is their source of comraderie. I wonder if they realize how much like their dad they are. Determined and sure their opinions are the right ones."
Even as she privately applauds and delights in this infrequent shared companionship, nonetheless she feels this sense of isolation from her outspoken very Right-Wing children. She considers herself a moderate leaning slightly Left, a "liberal"; not always a "Liberal". So her sense of justice bristles whenever she hears someone – even if it’s one of her own children – condemning ‘them,’ the ‘others’ for the ills of society, the world. The words of her dear little mom were embedded forever in Eleanor’s psyche – "there are no ‘others’; be specific. Who exactly do you mean?" "Put yourself in their shoes before you criticize."
In the case of her children the "others" are "The Liberals". They listen to too much Hate Radio. And ANY is too much as far as Eleanor is concerned..
A few round yards away, against another side of the pool, Eleanor’s daughter, Laura, and Toby’s wife, Jennie, and Justin’s wife, Bonnie, are quietly discussing another painful subject – the latest drama from Toby and Jennie’s oldest daughter, Carol, who lives in S.C. with her current boyfriend while Toby and Jennie raise Carol’s son – their grandson – Eleanor’s great-grandson. Laura frequently looks over at Eleanor with a questioning look which Eleanor correctly discerns as concern. Laura finally comes and sits down next to her. "Are you okay?", she asks. "I’m fine," Eleanor replies. Laura senses Eleanor’s isolation. Even though that is partly true, Eleanor is nevertheless delighted as she watches her children and their spouses interacting and sharing mutual ideas and concerns. She is content to be an observer. She could join in either adult group but it would change the tone and dynamics and she doesn’t want that to happen.
She understands and respects that Jennie appreciates the opportunity of talking quietly and confidentially by sharing her concerns with her sisters-in-law, her contemporaries. All three are living the stage of parenting teenage and young adults. As grandma, Eleanor doesn’t need – or want – to know everything. She knows sometimes they don’t tell her things because they know there’s nothing she can do and they don’t want her to worry. Eleanor is not a worrier per se, but even moms who aren’t worriers feel empathy and a certain amount of concern when they know too much about their kids and their kids’ kids. (Women will understand this.)
The isolation she feels as she watches Cassie and Toby interacting is different. She is delighted they have found common ground.
Of course, as the sole "liberal/Liberal" in the family, she is also perceived as the W.O.W. Wacky Old Woman – or, . . . Wise Old Woman – depending on your perspective. With regard to politics and the state of the world, ALL her children consider her the former.
Politics and religion were always a source of contention in her marriage to their father. Subjects that finally, they just did not, could not, discuss. Even though she had been raised in a conservative Republican home, her adult leanings and understandings always came from the left of middle.
Eleanor considers herself reasonably conservative; a moderate, slightly left of Middle, believing in personal responsibility and working hard to achieve your goals, liberal on certain social issues, and even libertarian on others. A combination, which, she suspects, is common to most folks. Her experience has been that labels are often counter-productive and usually serve only to separate and divide. For sure, she’s agin that!.
When she first came out to the pool in her bathing suit and tea and saw Cassie and Toby so enthusiastically talking and agreeing about America’s sad state of affairs and felt that initial sense of separation as she looked out and saw them all in the pool; the kids splashing and laughing, the two adult groups talking and sharing their concerns, still she realized she could just walk over, enter the pool and join either group. No one was excluding her; the isolation was self-imposed.
"I’m the odd man out; I shouldn’t be here," she thought. But seeing her children sharing their thoughts and feelings this way – especially Cassie and Toby – warmed her heart beyond words. She was so grateful for this day and what it was providing. All her kids were together – and they were enjoying being together SO MUCH! OhYea, OhYea!!
She could have jumped in the pool and joined either group. But it would have broken the spell. Instead of two people discussing the problems and agreeing on the results or suggesting solutions, Wacky Old Woman’s contributions would result in disagreement/arguing/harranging. The harranging would NOT be coming from W.O.W. She does not do well in combative discussions She does not LIKE combative discussions. Unlike her News Junkie best friend, she does not (cannot?) keep facts and figures logically logged in her brain for instant regurgitation when the need arises.
Eleanor is not overly political; she wants to be informed but is totally turned off by TV Media Talking Heads and Radio Talk Show Hosts (she calls it Hate Radio).
She doesn’t know if there is such a thing as unbiased News anymore and thinks the Media is helping destroy her beloved America.
She has tried on previous occasions to explain her position to her family; generally without much success.
If she had ten minutes and a bully pulpit with them as listeners, this is what she would tell them.
"I believe the American people are fed up with the same things. But whoever it is that we are listening to are the dividers of the Nation. And the Destroyers.
"I believe in love, not hate. Whatever the differences we have as a nation, the solution does not come from a source that projects hate.
"I agree with the late George Carlin: "if you don’t like the Boobs in Washington, take a look in the mirror at the Boob who helped put them there."
We have been pursing the American Dream too hard and too fast and neglecting our children, our communities. We should have been paying more attention. "Follow the money." What movie was that from?
Blame the government . . . Blame the corporations . . .
Neither, or both. But not one more than the other.
Liberals . . . Conservatives . . . Democrats . . .Republicans . . . Which/who is worse???
Name calling solves nothing. It does cause division. Who said, "A nation divided against itself shall fall." Oh, yeah; Jesus and Abraham Lincoln.
Well, they should know.
I would LOVE to have a respectful adult conversation with my grown children about what is happening in our world today. I do not express it well; I am out-talked and out-insulted.
Thus my attempt to put it in writing.
When Sam, my second husband, and I finally split up and divorced it was because I no longer respected him and so I couldn’t love him. Many factors go into being attracted to someone and lots of things cause the opposite. Initially, I was impressed with Sam’s logical thinking. Eventually I learned this logic only worked in certain situations; with certain subjects. As in:
"There is no such thing as a good Republican". Democrats = Good; Republicans = bad. That is the World According to Sam.
"Liberals are ruining this country; Obama is a Socialist". That is the World According to my children.
How do otherwise intelligent people say/believe such things?
This country/the world is in trouble – big trouble – because government (Left and Right) and Corporations/Lobbyists (Left and Right) are IN BED TOGETHER.
There are good folks on both sides of any issue who have suggestions and ideas for solving problems. Demonizing "the other" has never accomplished anything. Except war.
Disagreeing is not bad. How we disagree and what we do to resolve the disagreement is they key. Anger Management – that’s the current buzz word, is it not?
I’d say America/Americans are not doing too well with that concept.
All I know is this. It isn’t necessary for everybody to agree about everything all the time. It IS necessary that we learn how to resolve or live with the differences.
God put us here to learn how to love. Whatever/whoever God is, He is Ultimate Love, Ultimate Good, Ultimate Mercy. And Ultimate Logic.
Love and Mercy are the key. The Bible says "Love your enemies", for God’s Sake. LOVE your ENEMIES???? We can’t even love our neighbors, our fellow countrymen, our leaders. Somehow, some way, we have to find out "how" to do this.
"Love your neighbor as yourself."
WHAT???
MY next door neighbor is a Muslim, and a Black man who sits on the porch drinking beer every day lives across the street, and that woman at the end of the block – she has different men coming to her house every night . . . and . . .
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