Music and Movies . . . (Journal Entry, 6/12/2001)

Pearl Harbor –
The Gladiator –
Once Upon A Time in America --

Movies I recently watched; entranced by the genius of the intertwining of story and music.

Always it is music that moves me, filling me with emotions I can’t express and barely understand, taking me to a place I want -- need??? -- to dwell. For now; for these moments of reflection. Why?

Pearl Harbor --

Sadness, pain, mother love???

I sense the spirits of these youngsters milling about the music filling my heart and I am overcome with feelings of grief and love. For children I never knew. Survivors who are older than me. Non-survivors who are forever younger than me.

I am in the moment; it is where I want to be, to experience and absorb these feelings. Why?

The spirits of these heroic dead call out to me from the music. These "spirits" draw me to the place – what place? – where they reside. I want to be there with them. I want to hold them and wipe away their tears. I want to lay my hands on their wounds and heal them. Touch them with hands that carry the love of a nation so they will feel our thankfulness for the sacrifice they made.

Why do I feel the need to experience this, to be "there", wherever "there" is. Even though it rips my heart in two, it is not a frightening place. In my own spirit I wander there in my mother’s mantle, embrace the valiant warriors, no more than boys, and press them to my breast. And, once again, I am reminded that War is at once humanity’s most despicable crime and it’s finest hour.

The Gladiator --
Once Upon a Time in America --

What is the genius of these composers who capture the spirit and emotion of the events portrayed in these movies? They tap so creatively into the feelings and emotions I am experiencing and being musically gifted they are able to set it to music.

Suddenly a random thought pops into my head about the difference in time remaining –

-- from babyhood to eternity and
– from me (old) to eternity

Maybe being closer affects my thinking. Maybe this is just a part of growing old and accepting the inevitability of the end to this life. An easing into the place we know as eternity. Is this God’s/nature’s way of preparing us, taking us, inch by inch, into this world beyond our world?

Or is this just crazy, wacky old me, again . . . ?